University of Life

Sometime ago I pondered about this modern world of ours. Something is really wrong. There is a break down of society as a whole. We read of shootings and stabbings daily in the newspapers. We hear of gangs of youths carrying knives and guns to defend themselves with. We hear of marriages breaking up everyday - divorce rates are soaring and people are choosing not to get married anyway. We hear that stress at work is a major killer and cause of many serious diseases. We see the picture of the ideal family unit broken almost beyond repair. We see people sacrificing everything in the pursuit of happiness that just seems to elude them. Why is it so? I think it is mostly because we have placed the emphasis on the wrong things.

From the moment we are born, we are thrust into a society that places so much importance in education and defines us by success in our careers. How? We'll take the life of this typical child. From the day he is born, his parents bought him the best 'educational toys' that aim to give him a headstart in learning skills. His parents do all they can to enroll him in the best nursery school where he is to learn basic skills in speech, reading and writing. After that, he goes on to primary school where he is taught a wide range of subjects to give him a knowledge base that will be useful in future. Fast forward to three years of secondary school and then he is expected to make certain choices in his subjects that will start to define his future career. By the time he is finished with secondary school, success means achieving a place at university to study a degree. This degree will be his ticket to a life-long career. He may need to continually update his qualifications for example, getting a Masters qualification, taking some examinations etc. Success is measured by his job and how much he earns. Assuming he finished education at 24, he spends the next 40-odd years of his life working 9 - 5, Monday to Friday to earn a living. If the UK government have their way, he would be working until he is in his 70s before he can retire and claim a pension. But is that all?

Now I think education is a good thing. I think every child on this planet should be given an equal chance to succeed with a certain level of education. But I find it worrying that we place so much importance on just that - education and career. Is there not more to life than acquiring a degree? Would having a brilliant career make everyone's life fulfilled?

I read something in 'My Daily Bread' a while back. A survey was conducted about what people would want to reflect on in their final moments on this earth. What would they look back on and count as achievements? Strings of degrees? An impressive CV? Hefty bank accounts? List of awards and certificates? No. The main response people gave was they they would want their loved ones around them when they were on their death-bed. Furthermore, the biggest regret expressed wasn't "I wish I had spent more time at work". It was "I wish I had spent more time with my family". Family and loved ones always took priority over education and achievements.

Now if this is true, how come we still have this dysfunctional world? How come we spend the vast majority of our lives either in education or working endlessly pursuing material wealth? How come you can go to university to study virtually any subject in academics or research but there is no university that teaches us about the real-life challenges we face? You can study to become a Financial Analyst but who teaches you how to cope with the grief of losing of a loved one? You can study to become a doctor but where do you study to become a good husband or wife? I can graduate with a Bcs in Mathematics but where can I get a degree in Good Parenting Skills? Those are the things that really challenge us as individuals and no amount of education can help.

If I could change the world, I would shake up the current set-up. I would not be happy in a world where the majority of hours in the week,  is all but committed to working, working, working. A world where the main driving force is money, money, money. When do we have time to actually live? When do we have time to grow and learn to become better people? Why won't we have a society that is crumbling?

Life, Death and After

Today I am reminded just how unpredictable this life is. Most of us hope and expect that we would live long enough to see our children and grandchildren. We think we can always count on there being another day called 'tomorrow'. But who really knows how long we are here for? Who can estimate how much time we've got left to spend on earth?

Case in point: Mr X woke up this morning, he had breakfast, said goodbye to his wife and kids, went to work as normal, and suddenly his wife gets a phone call, "Mrs X? I'm afraid your husband has been involved in a fatal accident...." and things never remain the same. Even if it is not an accident, it could be an illness. Right now I can mention two people who have been battling cancer and the doctors have told them that there is nothing more they can do.

Some weeks ago I read a book called "The Shock of Your Life" by Adrian Holloway, about three teenagers who died in an accident. The story follows each of them on an imaginary journey of what happens to them after they are dead. Reading this book made me think about death in a different way. When somebody dies, we grieve, we make preparations for a funeral, we bury them, pray that they rest in peace and carry on with our lives. But what happens to the dead person? The book attempts to cover some of these questions and you can read more on their website.

As a Christian, I believe that death is not the end, it is a separation from earth and current relationships, but there's more. I believe that Jesus Christ conquered death on the cross, and I have accepted Him into my life, then I am sure that after I die, I will see Him again. I will go to heaven and live with Him there for eternity. It doesn't mean that the prospect of death is not scary but I have this confidence that I have a far more wonderful experience after I leave earth.

Being conscious of what happens when I die means I am now more aware of how I live. If this world is all there is to life, then we can do whatever we like, live our lives without any obligations to anybody, satisfy ourselves with all the pleasures we can think of, etc. But if I know that my choices and actions here on earth will determine where I spend eternity, then it's up to me to ensure that I live right, according to God's principles. And I am ready to face Him, even if my life ends today.

So if I asked you: where would you be after you die, what would your answer be?

My Birthday, Appreciating Life and Writing

It was my birthday last weekend. At the beginning of the year, I kept on remembering that I would soon hit the "quarter of a century" mark and I thought it was so scary. I kept thinking: "What have I been doing since I was born? Have I made my mark on the world around me? Am I accomplishing my goals? If I was to review my life thus far, is there a legacy I can leave? Is my life and inspiration to others? Am I really fulfilling my purpose?" and so on. I was discussing these questions with my sister one day and she said, "You have to look at the things you have achieved so far and count them as blessings, then figure out the next set of goals you want to aim for". That cheered me up and inspired me, so as my birthday approached, instead of having a panic attack, I was able to relax and celebrate the totality of my few years of existence on the planet. And I look forward to many more! I get that feeling of "make time count" now, because every second adds up so quickly that I know I must utilise the rest of my life well. Well, because I don't know how much of it I have left you see. Funny enough, I actually feel good about growing older every year now, but maybe you should ask me again in ten years.

Putting all these sober reflections aside, I planned to let my hair down and have a good time so I had a party! It's not everyday one gets to reach a milestone in life is it? So I invited hubby, a few old friends (and some new ones too!) to celebrate with me, including two of my favourite girl bloggers: Mimi and Aloted. It was my first time meeting Aloted because we narrowly missed each other in Nigeria during the Christmas/New Year period last year. We all had fun at the bar on Saturday, eating, drinking, dancing, taking photos and generally having a great time. I got loads of presents too and I can truly say I had a fabulous birthday party. (I have a wishlist if anyone still wants to get me a present .. lol).

I don't know if this is a sign of growing older, but I've noticed that I'm now appreciating the people around me a lot more than I used to. It's not as if I've ever taken my family and friends for granted, but there is definitely something different. I had a conversation with a friend of mine recently and afterwards, I felt so blessed to have her in my life. She's one of the people that I know will give me the last clothes off her back if I needed it. Then my mum came to visit as well and I have also started appreciating her more. Then my sisters... they are like God-sent angels and they have been so supportive lately. Then there's my hubby, it seems I now look at him through different eyes. He truly is an amazing person and I'm blessed to be his wife. I hope I never forget that in all things, it is the people that love me and the people I love that have the most impact in my life.

I'm still working on my writing and it's so slow! I'm now appreciating all those books I see on the shelves in stores. I can now imagine the writer, taking time everyday to write each word down one by one. I can visualise how many times they wrote something and tore it up because it didn't sound right. I can picture them editing and re-editing their work before they got to the final draft. I can see them adding or taking out a character or sub-plot. Gosh I now know that writing a good story is not as easy as it looks! Sometimes I wish it were easier and I could just transpose all the thoughts in my head somehow and it would make sense to anyone that comes across it. But I can't. I have to physically write it out and read it out to myself until I get it right. And even then, I should be open to criticism.

Anyway let me not bore you off my blog with my rants, who sent me eh? It's getting warmer in England now (finally!), the sun is out and so are the miniskirts and shorts, ice-cream and lunches in the park. I'm out of here to enjoy the rest of the daylight. Who am I kidding, I'm off to my class! Hope you enjoy the rest of your week and you have a lovely weekend!

Next Trip, Stress and Stuff

I can't believe it's been a month since I last updated my blog. Time has flown by so quickly. It's not that I've had nothing to say or nothing has been going on in my life, quite the opposite in fact. I actually came to my blog determined to update it last week, I had so many things running through my mind. But after staring blankly at the screen for ages, I thought I'll give it a rest until I can bring myself to write.
The last month has been a particularly busy one. When I wasn't busy with work, I was travelling, and when I wasn't travelling, I was stressed out with my writing career. And upon all, I have been feeling ill with all kinds of unusual symptoms! I feel a lot better now health wise, I didn't go to work today so tat I could go and see the doctor. But I'm still stressing over some decisions that I have to make, and the answers seem to be eluding me. I guess I have to pray harder. Anyway on to the gist:

I've heard that once you get bitten by the travel bug, there is no cure! I've found that to be very true. It's like once you go on one trip, you want to go on more! So it is with this in mind, that soon after hubby and I came back from Belgium, we planned two short trips when we both had a break from work. We went to Sweden first, then Italy.
I'm getting used to Passport Control officers scrutinising my passport more closely when I arrive at airports. When we arrived in Sweden, we were in front of a queue that was moving quickly until we got to the desk. The lady stamping the passports spent less than 30 seconds looking at the red British and European passports, but when shown a green one, she checked on a list beside her desk and asked us many questions, before she was satisfied that we were okay to enter her country. Hubby and I just smiled when we finally got to the other side. It seems like when it comes to immigration matters, Nigeria is always on some dodgy list or the other so immigration officials have to ask us more questions.
We found our way from the airport into the main city centre by taking one of those airport transit coaches, that dropped us right in the Central Station. We walked around for a while, comparing the city of Stockholm with cities in UK and Belgium. I thought it looked quite different as the architecture of the old buildings were slightly different in Scandinavia compared to Western Europe. Again, we were glad to find that a lot of people speak English quite well. It was interesting to hear English spoken in a Swedish accent. I liked the language because it's somewhere between English and German so it was quite easy to guess what the signs and words on display meant. When we started getting tired and cold, we had lunch and then set off to find our hotel.
Either we suddenly became bad at reading maps or we were reading Swedish maps upside down, but it took us ages to find our hotel. We got lost a few times, but in the end we managed to find it. For the rest of the evening, I was too cold and tired to go looking for any more excitement so we just chilled indoors eating dinner and watching Swedish television until the next day.
The next morning we headed out to the town centre again, first we wanted to go to the Tourist Information Centre to get maps and guides to the city. But we couldn't find the office anywhere! So we decided to just wing it, and wander around on our own. What's the worst that could happen? We didn't get lost in the end, we managed to find a lot of interesting sights around Stockholm by following other tourists and checking the Street Maps in the city centre. Eventually we found the Old Town, the museums, Old Royal Palace, shopping area and a few other interesting sights. We stopped to have lunch at the Central Station and chilled out for a bit. We resumed our exploration of the city till evening, strolling through the city centre when we noticed a group of people of all races coming out of a church. Out of curiosity, we decided to pop in. It seemed like the Sunday evening service had just ended and people were meeting and greeting each other. It felt exactly like a church back in England, except that they were speaking a different language. A few people smiled at us, some people just looked at us with curiosity. We didn't stay long, we just strolled in and strolled out. It was a bit silly, but fun actually. On our way back to our hotel when it was nightfall, we finally found the tourist information office. Typical! After we had navigated our own way around the town. In any case, we noted the spot and decided it was still worth a visit the next day.
The next morning, we checked out of our hotel because we were flying out that night. We decided to make the most of our limited time in Stockholm. I wanted to browse the shops while hubby wanted to do other things, so in the end we split up and went separate ways. I went to the main shopping areas and noticed that there were a lot of H&M shops around, then it dawned on me that H&M is a Swedish company, so it made sense. I had fun wandering around, window shopping and mentally converting all the prices from SEK to pounds in my head. Eventually I bought a lovely scarf and a top and went to the tourist info centre to pick up a list of more attractions. But there didn't seem to be anything else I could do in a few hours so I met up with hubby for lunch, again in the main central station. We swapped gists of our adventures and while we relaxed, we were people-watching and noticed a difference between Stockholm and London. The people seemed to be a lot more laid back and chilled out compared to Londoners. Even at 5.00pm when we were expecting the hustle and bustle of rush hour, most people still strolled around casually. We took one last stroll around, but soon it was time for us to head back to the airport, so we said our goodbyes to Stockholm and got on the coach back to the airport. The next day we headed off to Venice... but that is another post for another day.

Here are some photos from Stockholm:





I'm excited at the moment though. I've got a birthday coming up soon and it's a milestone! I'm excited to be reaching another milestone in my life, but I'm thinking it's almost unbelievable! When was I a 9-year old running around and getting excited about reaching double figures? Now I'm a big girl! I'm planning to have a get-together with my friends next weekend. I'll let you know how it goes! Hope you enjoy the rest of your week!

PS: Thanks to the "update police" for checking up on me!

Funeral and Churches

I finally get to blog again, thank God. I have been very busy in the last few weeks; I’ve hardly had the chance to pause for a moment to gather my thoughts and blog about stuff. Hubby was around for a bit, and I was so happy to see him! I had missed him badly. The first thing he said when I went to pick him up at the airport was: “You’ve now got a tan!” which I though was quite amusing. Apparently I have acquired a tan while sitting in the heavy Lagos traffic. I had lots of fun while he was around and it was a bit strange because both of us had never been in Nigeria together until now. He’s gone back now, but I still have things to do so I’m still in Nigeria.

Then my grandma’s funeral was last week. I went to Ibadan where all the events were taking place. I spent the whole week running around getting things done at the last minute. Thank God in the end, everything went well. We all got a bit emotional during the church service and when we were at the cemetery. And it is hard to think that someone who was alive two months ago, is now gone. But life must go on. It makes me stop to think though. What is the real meaning of this life? If you consult the writer of Ecclesiastes, mostly he says that everything is meaningless. That is, without God, everything is meaningless and fleeting. That is something to reflect on.

I'm back in Lagos now and I’m still absorbing some of the funny things I see in Nigeria on a daily basis. Something that has struck me since I’ve been around is the number of churches there are. On almost every street, there is a church, sometimes even two or three! Churches and fellowships have sprung up in the most unlikely places, including old warehouses, a disused sports field, a Sweet Sensation restaurant, several uncompleted buildings, and the house next door. Then, there are also countless billboards, posters and flyers on the roads advertising this or that prayer meeting, healing service, special programme, revival, seminar, etc. I don’t know what to make of it. Is it that Nigerians are now far more religious than before? If that is true, then why does it not reflect in our mentality, character and attitudes? Or perhaps is it that churches are now big money-making businesses, selling prayers and numbing the minds of people with lots of motivational speaking? I’ll throw that question open to the public.

Now I personally have no grudges against churches. After all, I’m a Christian too. But I had it up to the neck two weeks ago and had to go and have a word with the church next door. This church is right next door to the house I’m staying, and they are quite annoying. Or perhaps I should say they are VERY annoying. Every single day of the week, at all hours of the day, they have a meeting or an event. And they make so much noise! They go on and on for hours with their annoyingly loud PA system, disturbing the neighbourhood. Imagine how much noise they make when we have to shout to hear ourselves in our own house. Everybody in the street complains about them, but nobody had ever done anything about it. I had joined in the grumbling for some time, but one day it was the last straw. Early in the morning, around 5.00 am one Friday, they started singing and clapping, abruptly disturbing my sleep and waking up the whole neighbourhood. I was soooo angry because I had a headache and it was as if their noise was right inside my head. I couldn’t sleep another wink so I had to listen to their noise until 9.00am. Finally the person bellowing into the microphone shut up and I was finally able to have some peace. The rest of my day was going well until 8pm when they started preparing to have a night vigil! Everybody in the house started complaining and hissing. After an hour I couldn’t bear the noise any longer. I could not imagine going to sleep with that racket right beside my window so I decided to pop down to the church to ask them if they could turn down their microphone.

You would not believe what happened next. I stepped into the church and a man sprang up from his seat. While I was still trying to explain why I was there, he said that I had committed an abomination by wearing trousers in the house of God! I had gone there with the intention of making a polite request but when I heard that statement, I became livid. What? I told him he should not tell me such rubbish, and anyway I hadn’t come to join their service, I just wanted some peace and quiet next door. The guy then said I should go and drink Phensic and fall asleep. I was like “What?!” The next thing I knew, I was surrounded by people. Some were saying that I had no respect for the house of God. Somebody asked me if I didn’t know their time table as they had a vigil every month. Another person said that I might end up in an early grave if I was not careful. I talked back to all of them. We stood arguing outside the church for almost 30 minutes because I was not going to take such rubbish talk from anybody- usher or not. Eventually one of the elders came out to find out the cause of the disturbance and I told him all what had happened and he agreed to turn the volume of their PA system down. I’m not proud of what I did, but I thought it was about time the church knew that their neighbours are not made of wood. They can’t just be making so much noise because they are the “house of God”. Besides aren't Christians supposed to love their neighbours?

Well I have some errands to run, so I've got to go off in a minute. I just want to say many thanks to those nice people that sent me an email, you know who you are. God bless you!

Random Stuff

Been meaning to update my blog everytime I came online this past week. Have so much to say, but can't seem to find the enthusiasm to type. Someone sent me an "update already!" email, so I dragged myself here today.
I have been a bit down in the last four days. Not ill or anything but I'm feeling really tired and lethargic. It's like I have no energy at all. I wonder why. I haven't changed my normal routine or my diet. So I see no reason why I would suddenly start feeling like a very old woman. Lord help me o. I didn't go to work on Tuesday, managed to struggle on Wednesday and Thursday, but couldn't find the strength this morning. My mum said that it's my body's way of telling me that I need to rest. Oh well! The only problem now is that it's my aunty's 50th birthday party this weekend -big do on Saturday and a thanksgiving pary on Sunday. I have promised to go and help with preparations and everything. How am I going to do that now with zero energy?

Last weekend I attended an English wedding. Hubby and I were the only black people there. It was sooo different from the typical Nigerian wedding. For starters, there were only 80 guests! Imagine that at your typical naija wedding, 80 does not even cover the whole of the bride's family, lol. The couple had gotten married in Maurituis with a handful of close friends and family last month, and they were now throwing the reception. It was cool though, small and classy. They had a marquee in the garden of a nice country house next to a lake so it was a really cosy and romantic setting. There were 8 tables and 10 guests per table. It was a bit formal but the upside of that is that it was very well organised. Everything went in a particular order: Drinks reception in the garden, entrance, 3-course meal, speeches, toast, cutting the cake, first dance. Later on they had a DJ and a barbeque for the evening reception. It was well cool! And the menu was not jollof rice either, lol. Thank God I'm not a bush girl sha, although there were some things I ate that I can't pronounce! It made me wonder what they thought when they attended our wedding and had to eat Nigerian food. Lol.

Now I don't know if this is funny or not. I came accross this on Facebook. It's a group called "...So Apparently I'm Going To Hell" based on what some random guy said:

If anyone's had the chance to catch a Mr. Micah Armstrong (originally of the Assembly of God Church in Miami but left because they were hypocrites) on Monday, then you have probably drawn one conclusion...apparently you're going to hell. Reasons include:
Pot Smoking, Cigarette Smoking, Alcohol Drinking, Guitar Playing, Having a Tattoo, Showing Cleavage, Showing Bellybuttons, Girls Showing Their Knees, Girls Showing Their Elbows, Girls Wearing Tight Pants, Girls Wearing Miniskirts, Being Blonde, Being Fat, Cursing, Kissing on the Mouth before Marriage, Holding Hands before Marriage, Having Premarital Sex, Masturbation, Having Anal Sex, Having Oral Sex, Being Homosexual , Judging People (He wasn't though, he was being honest), Being Selfish, Playing Sports, Women Working, Watching BET, Watching MTV, Watching VH1, Watching TNT, Associating With Hollywood, Listening to “Gangsta Rap”, Techno, Christian Bands, and Rock and Roll, Believing in Evolution, Being Catholic, Being Jewish, Being Buddhist, Being Methodist, Being Protestant, Being Mormon, Being Muslim, Being Hindu, Being Agnostic, Being Atheist, Being a Woman (they're still paying for Eve's sin), Being In a Sorority or Fraternity, Owning a Pet, Sin, Have Sinned, or Plan on Sinning in the Future

Okay o. I wonder who came up with this list. It sounds like a man that is clearly so narrow-minded that he can't see beyond his own nose. Being fat,blond and female qualifies as a reason to go to hell? Anyway sha, thank God that it's by His grace and nothing else that we are saved.

Due to the interest in the cake/bag in my previous post, here is the address of the website where you can order your very own! Apparently she can make a cake of anything you want. I'm thinking of getting a guitar made for hubby's birthday. http://www.maisiefantaisie.co.uk/

I'm hoping to recover from this bout of tiredness. I want to have a good time this weekend. Imagine hubby has even booked us a hotel to stay in for the weekend, so I mustn't flop. He he he. Have a good weekend folks!

Life Lesson #46789

It is not a good idea to have a serious discussion when you are tired, grumpy and hungry.


This I found out two days ago. I had come back from work late, I was hungry but there was no time to eat before I rushed out again to attend house fellowship till 10pm so I was really tired when we finished. Between when hubby and I left fellowship and when we got home, things got frosty. Then there was a big misunderstanding. In the best of circumstances, that was bad enough, but when you add all the other factors wrong with me, it was not a pretty sight.

We got home and I logged into my msn. Who should I see, but my relationship mentor online. Now this is someone I have never seen online before. In fact since we got married I have only spoken to him once. Why is he online tonight? He starts chatting with me. Asks after hubby. Asks how is married life. Errrrm... I said married life is sweet. Well it wasn't sweet at that moment. But I didn't dare tell him that we had just had an argument.

Anyway sha, the whole episode is sorted out now, over hugs and kisses. I don't like it when we are quarelling.It takes so much energy to remain angry with someone when you are living in the same house. God help us all.

Sober Thought

Life is funny. When you're at the top of one stage, you're at the bottom of another.

Underneath the Exterior

It's so true, you cannot judge a book by it's cover. People can be soooo different in reality from how they appear on the outside. This was brought home to me again this week. There's this girl who works in my department at work. I see her everyday but we have never exchanged a word. She never smiles, never socialises with the rest of the department, always takes her lunch alone and leaves the office without saying goodbye to anyone. She has been with the company for a year but no one knew much about her.

But yesterday I met this girl in the kitchen and we started talking. After lunch we spent the rest of the afternoon sending emails to each other and I learnt so much about her. Turns out that she is a nice person and she is funny too! And she has led a very interesting life, she can speak 6 languages including Arabic, German and French. She's also thinking of leaving the company to set up her own business. I think I've made a cool friend. Today she even came to my desk to have a chat, and we emailed each other again. It just goes to show that there is usually more to people than meets the eye initially.

On a completely different note - I have a question: Would you tell your good friend that her fiance was cheating on her? Even as you watch her happily plan the wedding? Hmmm.... tough one. A friend of mine said she attended the wedding of her good friend recently. Everyone (including my friend, her mum, and many of the bride's friends) knew the groom had been sleeping with another girl. But nobody wanted to tell the unfortunate bride because they didn't want to be the bearer of bad news. Who knows how the bride would react if she had been told? The worst part of the story was that the girl the groom was cheating with was also invited to the wedding, and she boldly went to congratulate to couple and give the bride a hug! My friend called it "the hug of death". I accused her of not telling the bride about the sorry state of affairs long before the wedding day. Her defence was that the bride probably knew but deliberately chose to ignore it because she was desperate to hang onto the guy. Ah! God help all of us.

Secretly though, I wondered if I would have the courage to tell the bride if I knew her. Would I risk my neck and our friendship or watch my friend get married to someone who would never be faithful to her (no point hoping he will change after marriage)? I can't answer that question. I think I would prefer not to know. At least then I won't have that responsibility.