Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Playing Hard to Get

My weekend was brilliant! From Thursday to Monday I had a great time. My dad and favourite uncle were around, and I spent most of the time with my family. Catching up with gist from back home, recording our adventures for future reference, going out to a restaurant for dinner, it was all fun. My dad came to stay with us for 2 days and he said hubby and I made him feel old. LOL. Then on Sunday, hubby and I stayed overnight at a hotel in London. Had a nice time. That made my commute to work much easier. Couldn't ask for a better start to my week! The only fly in the ointment now is the fact that I've got exams next week, so I have to start swotting hard. I've discovered that exams and blogging are totally incompatible. Oh dear. I'm seriously rethinking these exams. I'm beginning to feel like I'm going in the wrong direction. Food for thought.

This gist is about a friend of mine who is "playing hard to get" for this guy. Now this friend is someone I have known for a long time, so I know her quite well. The guy is a friend of ours as well. Any fool can see that the guy is besotted with my friend and he has been in love with her ever since I can remember. She on the other hand, has not made up her mind. They hang out together, he gives her really expensive gifts, they go on holiday together etc, but when I ask her about them, she says they are just good friends. Of course I know the guy is more than just a friend. As it is now, no other guy can ask her out because she is really not available. She spends all her free time with this guy. But still she says she doesn't like him "in that way". And she claims that they are not in a relationship. I don't get it. Is she blind? Undecided? Or just playing hard to get?

Playing hard to get used to be fun in our teens. At the time your friends tell you that it is not cool to agree to go out with a guy immediately he asks you out. You should front for a while, make him beg, spend his daddy's cash, take you out, beg your sisters, and do everything he possibly can, before you finally agree to be his girlfriend. And the longer you can front, the better. The 'reasoning' was that the guy will appreciate you more, if you are not easy. And you mustn't just fall into his lap. Hmmmm, that was fun then, those teenage years. But now that I'm older and hopefully wiser, I think that reasoning is flawed. Would a guy necessarily love you more if you front for a long time? Does it prove that he will appreciate you more? Does it guarantee that he won't cheat on you? Does it mean that when you finally agree to go out with him, things will be perfect? Nope.
So why do we girls front? Personally I don't believe in fronting. To me it's simple: you either like the guy or you don't. And the decision is made. OK fine, you may think he has some but not all of the qualities you desire in a man, and you are waiting for the guy that ticks ALL the boxes. OK fine, you may not want to hurt him by turning him down flat, but stringing him along and keeping him hoping is not nice either. It's different if you have already told the guy that there is no chance you will go out with him, but he keeps on pestering you. Even if that is the case, there are ways to cut him off gently. If I was a guy, I probably won't have the patience to wait for a girl that is fronting. If I ask someone out and she fronts too much, I would just move on. And I know a lot of guys who think like that.
Anyhoo, back to my friend. I think it's very unfair for her to string the guy along for so long without giving him any direct answer. In my opinion, he must be a really patient guy (either that, or very optimistic!) for him to stick around while she decides to be or not to be his girlfriend. I don't know whether this one is "shakara", fronting, or indecision. At 23, I think we are old enough to know what we want from our boyfriends and relationships. So why do we still front?


  1. LondonBuki12:48 AM

    Your friend's story is something I have heard before... this Girl I know was in the same kinda situation for about 2 years and finally agreed for the guy and they are in a real relationship now. She is lucky the guy stayed while she was posing.

    You can't blame girls for fronting some times, as long as they don't overdo it and lose a good guy in the process.

  2. LondonBuki12:53 AM

    And... Good Luck with your exams :-)

  3. awww@you and your daddy... hmmm.. I think ur friend likes the guy and just pretends to the outside world that she doesn't... that's usually the case cos girls fall for guys that don't have the expected 'looks,occupation,nationality... or worreva'... I think she's fronting more for her friends than the guy.. but thats just how i see it. gluck wit ur studying and exams and stuff... have a great week

  4. Fronting is not that bad...but I have noticed that with age though that way of life reduces..

    Ya'll never heard that "THE FUN IS IN THE CHASE"
    Naija guys especially need to chase the chic well well...so in a funny way he'll learn to appreciate her..and hopefully vice versa.

    Good luck with ur exams and knock them dead.

  5. Hmmm, I think your friend likes him and enjoys the attention but I don't think she's fronting. She's probably just undecided and has no reason to make up her mind while everything is going so well. The sad thing is that she might only realise how she feels about him when he's no longer there. I think they'll end up together, for real, let us know what happens!

    Your weekend sounds lovely! Good luck in your exams ... you'll do great!

  6. Ur friend is sure playing with fire o ...I hope she realizes what shez got before it's gone ..

    G'luck in ur exams ...and on blogging and exams not going together,I got that knocked into my head 2 weeks 3-4weeks ago when preparing for exams and now that am preparing for interviews for new jobs..am feeling that too..

    U have a nice day

  7. Anonymous10:44 PM

    sometimes we don't know. My husband chased me for 10 years. i always saw him as just a friend. i felt at the time he wasn't my type and people may have thought i was stringing him along which wasn't the case. He's very smart and i enjoyed his company...anyway we've been happily married now for 3 years so it's a win win situation and I'm glad he didn't give up in his pursuit of me. Nice blog

  8. exactly@belle.. i've been trying to go on her blog for days and i thought she'd like cancelled it or sumthin..

  9. @Londonbuki: It's good your friend woke up before the guy moved on o. Thanks for wishing me the best in my exams.

    @Overwhelmed: I don't get how she will be fronting for her friends. We all know the guy and we think he's great.

    @Dimples: I think fronting doesn't serve that purpose anymore. Most guys want to know where they stand.

    @1982: I think you are right. She is enjoying the attention, so she doesn't feel the need to change the scenario at the moment. I hope they do end up together too. I'll keep y'all posted.

    @Naijabloke: I pray she wakes up too. LOL at your comment on blogging and job interviews. What can we do? If only we got paid to blog all day!

    @Anonymous: 10 years!!! Wow your husband was very patient. He must have known you would come back to him eventually. It's good it worked out for you both.

    @Belle: I think she likes him too, but she keeps changing her mind. It's draining enough for me even as an outside observer.

    @Belle and Overwhelmed: Sorry I changed my blog address without notice! Someone was trying to identify me :-)

    @All: Thank you for wishing me the best in my exams. I will do my best to smash them!!

  10. :(..i had to check 20 million blogs b4 i found ur new adress...Why u dey run?...All these detectives on blogspot sha...Dont mind them Jare...lol..Anyhow, Tell ur friend to go and listen to "Shakara" by Fela..or is it Femi Kuti...

  11. Anonymous3:12 PM

    In this age and time abeg carry go. Fronting is not good oooo, when u start seeing that 2 of you are more than friends its better to discuss / sort it out then and there. And take it from there its one thing to not like someone and another thing too front, it can become too late when you finally decide. Shakara no pay ooooo


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