Showing posts with label rant. Show all posts
Showing posts with label rant. Show all posts

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

I'm Upset


In the past two weeks I've been feeling rather down and discouraged. I love my family but sometimes they get on my nerves!

It all started when my mum came round to visit for a few days. I suspected something was up when she told me over the phone that she and I had a lot of "important things to discuss". If I had known I would have done all I could to avoid the discussions. But she's my mum, isn't she? I can't exactly ban her from coming to visit me in my house.

So she came, and promptly started talking about babies, or the lack of them in my house. Gosh! I wanted to tell her to shut up, it was that bad. I know she's worried, concerned and what not, but can she please just drop it! It's not up to her, it is something she can't control. Usually when we talk on the phone, I can switch off the conversation when she mentions babies, but I can't exactly shut her off when she's in front of me. She got me so upset that I retreated into my shell and hubby had to ask me what was wrong. When I told him, he promptly went to tell my mum to stop bothering me. But by then I was already very upset.

*sigh*

That wasn't all, oh no. She kept asking me about "when I would start working again". I explained I am working, the fact that I work from home doesn't mean I'm idle. But she kept going on and on. Especially when hubby and I told her we would be moving back to London soon. She and my aunt just said, "Oh good! So you can start working again!"

*shaking my head*

I got so tired of explainingto everyone, I actually got quite depressed. I even started considering taking a job again, just so that they can shut up and get off my back. By the time my mum left, she had done a fairly decent job of making me feel like a failure. But I came to my senses after praying about it and God helped to see things clearly again.

Oh dear God, please help me to shut out negative voices and focus on what You have called me to do.

Sunday, May 27, 2007

Today's Rant

Today I'm dealing with a cocktail of different emotions. I am very happy. But I'm also upset because I feel I still have limitations on my life. Who can feel happy when you are placed under restrictions? Why is there no way out? I need to let go of the ridiculous weight of expectations around me. Why should I be labelled? I am a unique person, why should I fit into another person's mould? When will I be free to express myself as I am designed to? Why do I have to succumb to cultural demands? Why should I act as "normal" as everyone around me? Who defines what is normal anyway? Who is really in control of my life and my circumstances? Who sees into the innermost corridors of my heart? Who should be predicting what I should do next? Who should understand my deepest desires? What about what I want? When will I really really be FREE...

I'll be right back.
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...