Five Years

Last weekend, hubby and I celebrated our fifth wedding anniversary. I honestly can't believe it's been five years already since I donned a white dress, walked down the aisle and said my vows. I can also honestly say that it's been the most awesome decision I've ever made.

Looking back now, I can't imagine how different my life would have been if i hadn't gotten married in 2005. Sometimes I try to visualise myself in a different setting, maybe living in a different place, doing a different job and so on. No matter what, I still choose my life now any day. My life now makes complete sense because God arranged it that way. So I've got a lot of things to thank God for, everyday. Sometimes I'm short of words to express how grateful I am when I think about His blessings towards me.

Hey so I've been married for just over 1825 days! In practical terms, it probably means I've cooked over 2000 meals and done more than 1000 washing machine loads of laundry. In that time, we've moved house three times and changed cars four times. We've been on nine holidays together, watched more than 300 movies together, laughed over a million and one things together. We've both made career changes, wrestled with our faith sometimes, made mistakes, but come out stronger. We've enjoyed the good days and learned from the rough patches. We've dealt with each other's flaws and learnt to appreciate each other's strengths. It's been a journey of discovery about myself and about him. I'm wiser now, than I was five years ago, and that's a good thing!

To celebrate, we had a photoshoot - cos looking at our wedding album a few months ago I realised it was so out of date! Then I organised a surprise party for hubby (it was also his birthday) and he fell right into it! lol, he swore to retaliate though, which I don't really mind. It was fun planning the party, making calls and sending texts right under his nose and he didn't suspect a thing! I guess he trusts me! I'm grateful for our friends that came (one of them is a blogger) and kept it a secret from him.

In everything, I'm grateful to God and so looking forward to the next 5, 10, 15 and more years of happy marriage!

FG

Award and Gists

Hi blogville people! Is it just me, or is this month of September flying by faster than all the previous months of the year? It's already the 23rd of the ninth month of the year for real! God is in control, that's all I can say.

I received a blog honour from Aloted - yay! She gave me the "Certified Honest Blogger" award. Thanks girl, I'm so grateful!
Okay so, this is my acceptance speech:

I would like to thank God, my wonderful hubby and Aloted for giving me this award. Thank you also to everyone who read and comment on my blogs, who have encouraged me and inspired me. And to all of you wonderful people that make blogville such a fun, entertaining and educative place to be! Thank you!

Here are the rules of the award:
1. When you receive the prize you must write a post showing it, together with the name of who has given it to you, and link them back
2. Choose a minimum of 7 blogs (or even more) that you find brilliant in their content or design.
3. Show their names and links and leave them a comment informing they were prized with an award
4. Show a picture of those who awarded you and those you give the prize (optional).
5. And then pass it on!

So I'm passing on the award to the following bloggers in no particular order:

1 Good Naija Girl
2 Vera
3 Believer
4 Diamond Hawk
5 No Limit
6 Cherub
7 Jaycee

I think you all deserve this lovely award!

Last week I had to embark on a transformation of some sorts. Alas, it seems after three years of marriage, I had been letting myself slip in terms of my appearance and hubby pointed this out to me (in a nice way of course, lol). He said he noticed that I only make an effort to look fabulous when I'm going out, and I don't bother much when I'm at home. I guess it became more noticeable because I stopped going to work so I didn't suit up and make up every morning anymore! That made me realise that I needed to take quick action before I became a frumpy housewife! So I took his advice on board and decided to do something about it. First, I had a critical look at my wardrobe and discarded the old and ugly stuff in there, gosh it's practically empty right now! Next I went to the MAC counter to get a make-over and update my look before I get stuck in a rut. Now I'm updating my clothes and accessories gradually, keeping an eye on the trends in fashion magazines and shows. You know how, before we ladies get married, we vow never to let our appearance take a back seat? Well I've realised that most ladies don't plan to allow it happen, it just does. It takes an effort to keep it up when you've become comfortable in your relationship. Now that I've realised though, I have no excuse so I'm going to make the effort. Fingers crossed!

Apart from that, I've been keeping busy with my work and I'm quite pleased with the progress I've made. I've now written five more chapters of my book. I've put the first five chapters on my writing blog now. But I'll be adding some more short stories to it, as time goes on. I'm hearing from other experienced writers that I should finish writing the whole thing first before editing it, but it's hard! I keep reading every sentence over and over, trying to make it sound better. It's slowing me down though, so I guess I need to finish writing the first draft before I worry about editing it. It's a huge learning curve for me and I know I still have a long way to go.

I'm off to start my day properly now, so take care friends, till I come back or pass by your blogs too! Enjoy the rest of your week.

Three-Year Celebration

I'm celebrating today, but first I want to thank God who makes all things possible. God has been and continues to be very good to me and my family. I'm grateful for God's love and I'm grateful for my hubby too. He's the one person that I know that knows me so well, and loves me anyway. I'm so thankful to God for bringing him into my life. I met him six years ago, married him three years ago today! So I'm celebrating meeting and marrying the most wonderful guy in my life. He really complements me, makes me happy and supports me in every way. God knew what He was doing when he match-made us, cos I can't imagine being with anyone else!


Here's to many many many more years of happy married life! Love you honey!

More On Marriage

Recently there has been a lot of talk going on around blogville about marriages and infidelity. I've just read Vickii's post, then I read Uzo's post, then I read T-Minx's post. I've also read a lot of the comments from both sides of the debate as it were. Is marriage still relevant in our society? Is there any need for the vows "till death do us part"?

Well I'm a firm believer in the institution of marriage. I think it is the best relationship two people can have, if it is approached in the right way. I believe that marriage was instituted by God and He meant for us to enjoy it. The problems society has with marriage (and why marriages are under threat) is because we have taken God out of the picture, and so His ideas don't seem relevant anymore.

I don't believe that there is such a thing as a perfect marriage. None of us is perfect, so no relationship can ever be perfect if it is made up of two imperfect people. I do believe however, that if we recognise the purpose of marriage, then we would see that it is more than just a love contract or a ceremony in church. It is a covenant where we solemnly swear to "honour, love, respect and cherish" our spouse before God and man.

We mustn't forget that we are human though. So we sometimes forget to keep our promises. Who among us has never broken a promise? When you get married, you spend 5 minutes saying your vows and you have to spend the rest of your life carrying out those promises. How well that marriage goes depends on how faithful the husband and the wife are to the promises they have made.

Ladies imagine your long-term boyfriend comes to you with a large diamond ring and these words:

My darling, you have been the best thing that happened to me. I want to take our wonderful relationship to the next level. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to wake up with you everyday. I want to have children with you, grow old with you. I promise I will always make you happy, I will be true to you and be faithful to you. If you give me this chance, I will spend the rest of my life making you happy. Will you marry me?"

Of course, the lady will say yes!

Now consider if the guy had said:
My darling, you have been the best thing in my life since I met you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to wake up with you everyday. I want to have children with you, grow old with you.But I can't promise to be faithful to you. I don't know if I will be able to make you happy everyday. You can't expect me to do everything to make you happy. I will expect you to meet my needs all the time but I can't promise to meet your needs. I might cheat on you if the opportunity arises. Will you marry me?"

What do you think the girl would do? She will tell him to take a hike!

As Uzo said, there are no guarantees that getting married will make the relationship any more successful than if the parties involved just lived together. I agree whole-heartedly. What underpins any lasting relationship is commitment. If that commitment is lacking, then a marriage certificate is worthless. So should we give up on marriage then? Is marriage then irrelevant? No, no, no. Life itself is a risk. We all take chances with our decisions. I definitely believe that marriage is the ideal committed relationship for all parties involved: the man, the woman and the children produced in that union.

On the subject of cheating, truth is, infidelity does happen a lot in marriages. I avoid making general statements like "All men are cheaters" or "There are no good men around". Those statements are biased because those are the only examples the speaker has seen. Women do cheat too, perhaps not in the physical betrayal of sleeping with someone else, but in their minds. Anyway the point I am making is, most people look at infidelity from the woman's point of view. Should she take him back after he has cheated on her?

Speaking for myslef, I honestly can't answer that question. I wouldn't know until I've been in that situation. Besides every relationship is different so what might work for one woman, will not work for another.

TGIF

After all the excitement of last weekend, I was looking forward to a normal week at the office. We are still finding soot in unexpected places in our flat. No worries, we were planning to move out soon anyway! Maybe hubby did that on purpose,so that I wouldn't change my mind about leaving our current spot!

Anyways I've had a good week. No more fire accidents, no issues at the office. And to top it off, my dad is around from Nigeria!! I'm seeing him tomorrow. I'm so excited, can't wait. I'm a real daddy's girl. Even marriage can't change that. I always said that the only man that I would love like my dad would be my husband.

In other news, it has been quite sad and annoying these past few weeks, to hear of so many marriages ending due to infidelity, ego clashes and "irreconcilable differences". Last week I was so shocked to hear that Reese Witherspoon's marriage was ending. I was always pleased to read her interviews where she mentions the strong marriage she had. Now that is gone (sob). I had not even gotten over that yet, before I started hearing rumours about Alesha, Harvey and Javine in a bizzare love-triangle that ended up with the newly-married Harvey sleeping with Javine. Urrrgh! I don't know whether to be angry or sad. Maybe both! See here: Javine Hilton being caught in bed with ex So Solid Crew star Harvey And then of course, the Britney/Kevin gist. That was just sooo silly. Let me not say more than that.

I'm looking forward to enjoying my weekend. I'm meeting my dad, sister and other family members tomorrow, so that should be fun. It's good to have family around. Here's wishing you all a lovely weekend!

Wise Words

A friend sent this to my email box:

*A Soulful Relationship* by Reverend Ronald McFadden

If you're not married yet, share this with a friend. If you are married, share it with your spouse or other married couples.. and reflect on it. An African proverb states, "Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye."

Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don't let lust, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults aren't really important. Once you decide to commit to someone, over time their flaws, vulnerabilities, pet peeves, and differences will become more obvious.

If you love your mate and want the relationship to grow and evolve, you've got to learn to close one eye and not let every little thing bother you. You and your mate have many different expectations, emotional needs, values, dreams, weaknesses, and strengths. You are two unique individuals who have decided to share a life together. Neither of you are perfect, but are you perfect for each other? Do you bring out the best of each other? Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare, and control? What do you bring to the relationship? Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain?

You can't take someone to the altar to alter him or her. You can't make someone love you or make someone stay. If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and "a life", you won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain. Manipulation, control, jealousy, neediness, and selfishness are not the ingredients of a thriving, healthy, loving and lasting relationship. Seeking status, sex, wealth, and security are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship.

What keeps a relationship strong? Communication, intimacy, trust, a sense of humor, sharing household tasks, some getaway time without business or children and daily exchanges (a meal, shared activity, a hug, a call, a touch, a note). Leave a nice message on their voicemail or send a nice email. Sharing common goals and interests.

Growth is important. Grow together, not away from each other, giving each other space to grow without feeling insecure. Allow your mate to have outside interests. You can't always be together. Give each other a sense of belonging and assurances of commitment. Don't try to control one another. Learn each other's family situation. Respect his or her parents regardless.

Don't put pressure on each other for material goods. Remember for richer or for poorer. If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as resentment, withdrawal, abuse, neglect, dishonesty, and pain replace the passion. " Nurture your mind with great thoughts, for you will never go any higher than you think." The grass withers, the flowers fades, but the word of God stands forever. Isaiah 40:8 Shall we make a new rule of life from tonight. Always try to be a little kinder than is necessary.

The difference between 'United' and 'Untied' is where you put the i. Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

Hmmm, wise words indeed.