Need to Compare?

It's almost December! Around this time, I start getting worried because the year is almost over and it seems like I haven't done half of all the things I set out to achieve in January. I would hope that every month so far has been productive. Maybe some more than others. Then you think- how am I going to really make this year count before 31st of December? But ultimately, I'm thankful to God for keeping me alive, giving me a purpose, and allowing me to grow older and wiser everyday.

Have you ever felt that compared with "everyone else" around you, your own circumstances are the worst? Do you have thoughts like "all my mates have achieved this, done that, have this or have that"? I'm now exploring this phenomenum of measuring myself with another person's yard stick. Where does it come from? Is it parents, peer pressure, the society as a whole or just my own unrealistic expectations?

It's probably a mixture of all four. On one hand, it drives me to want to achieve more and more (sort of like healthy competition) to ensure that I can boast too, but on the other hand, it makes me think "What's the point? That person just had better opportunities than I have". Like when you hear of your classmate in uni who is now a millionaire, or your friend from high school now running her own fashion empire. You are happy for them of course, but you also compare yourself and you end up feeling very small.

I think it starts when we still are young. You are put in a classroom with 15 or so other 3-year olds. There you are expected to all be at the same level, grow at the same speed and learn at the same pace. If for any reason you don't keep up with the rest of the class, then there's a problem with you. This pattern continues throughout life. You want the latest toys because "everybody has one". You want to wear a certain item of clothing because "that's what all the other kids are wearing". You want to feel like you are similar to everyone. You find yourself constantly looking around and checking to see if you are ahead or behind of your peers. Then you grow up and suddenly you realise that some things are outside your control. Your career is progressing very slowly meanwhile your mates have soared far ahead. Or your mates are getting engaged, married, and launching babies while you are still single. Or your friend has just bought a new flat, while you are still renting or living at home. It all adds up to a perfect recipe for frustration.

But why do we compare? Are we all given the same opportunities? Did God give us the same talents? Do we have the same circumstances? Do we all have the same goals? Do we have the same experiences or backgrounds? No, no, no and no. We don't even have the same genes!

So I've decided, from now on, I'm not going to compare myself with anyone else. I am me. I am unique. We all have our time and purpose to fulfil on earth. My time and purpose is not dependent on other people. Only God is in full control. And only God will I give the ability to push me forward.

Have a good week and a blessed month of December!

PS: It's my sister's birthday today! Happy birthday darling! xxx


Image credit: plmtwine.com

Now Saner

Okay I wrote that previous post in a moment of intense frustration. Although I am dealing with different emotions right now.
I had been having a good weekend. On Friday I took the day off from work. I had to go and see the doctor to check all was well. He said a few things - nothing too alarming- and said I should come back next week for a blood test and a scan. So that went well. After that I went for a spot of retail therapy, there's nothing like a pair of shoes to make you feel better! Met up with hubby when he finished from work. We went to see Spiderman 3 in the evening. It was alright, not bad at all though not as cool as Spiderman 2.
Yesterday, we woke up early as hubby was travelling to Lagos in the evening. He was looking forward to this trip because he hasn't been back to Nigeria for more than 10 years! When he told me he wanted to go, I was pleased. In fact I was alright throughout the day, even seeing him off to the airport happily. Only when it was 5 minutes before he had to leave that I started feeling sad and I almost cried. He's only going for 5 days but I'm going to miss him so much. But as I left hubby at the airport, my dad called me to say he was around for a week. I told him I'll call him later. Got home and didn't go to bed until 3.00am. My bed was half empty :(
I was woken up this morning with a call from hubby to say he had arrived safely and already having fun. I wanted to tell him I was missing him but decided not to. Didn't want to spoil his mood. Later called my dad and we spoke for over an hour, just talking about different things. I told him I was fed up with my career as an accountant and I wasn't cut out to work in an office for the rest of my life. Surprisingly, he seemed fine with it! He even said I should start writing my book right away, that he wants to read the first two chapters before he leaves next week! He said he would be happy to help me if I needed anything. Thanks for your support dad - that means so much to me.

I just spoke to one of my best friends now. He has been having a rough time lately with his relationship. Now he told me that he and the girl had broken up during the week. I had known they were having problems, but I never really thought they would break up after all this time. I feel so bad now, even though it's not my fault. I just feel bad for them.

The weather is rather grey and gloomy, matching my mood. I'm going to find something to do to cheer myself up. Maybe I'll listen to my old Destiny's Child tunes, they always used to cheer me up before!