(Female) Family Politics

I'm a big fan of Asa and I love both her albums. I've listened to both albums over and over again. She's such a great lyricist and all the words in her song make sense. She talks about life as she sees it - whether it is relationships, culture, family problems, politics, war and so on.

One of my favourite songs on her second album (Beautiful Imperfection) is Bimpe. I love the simplicity of the music and the beats, but above all, the song tells a story. It is the story of an unnamed  character, and Bimpe is her boyfriend (or husband)'s younger sister. But they do not get on at all. The narrator accuses Bimpe of overstepping her boundaries, of disrespect, saying bad things about her and of sticking her nose into her private affairs.

Now in Yoruba culture, a wife is supposed to respect all her husband's family members, even if they are younger than her. Perhaps this Bimpe takes advantage of that culture and is rude and disrespectful of her brother's wife because she knows that the wife cannot openly confront her. So in the song, the narrator is trying to send Bimpe a warning to back off and stop disturbing her relationship with her brother.

I tried to imagine myself in that situation.Thankfully, I have a great relationship with my hubby's sisters who are lovely people. But we hear so many horror stories of wife and in-law battles, or the political games that both sides try to play to keep the peace even if they don't get on well. I have friends who are happily married, apart from the fact that they don't like members of their husband's family. And I have friends who don't particularly like the lady that their brother is dating or married to. 

It also seems to be a woman thing, for some reason. I don't hear of wives having battles with their father-in-law or brother-in-law. It's usually the husband's female relatives that are hostile to his wife. I wonder why. Are we females so selfish and possessive that we feel we have to protect our "territory"? Do we see the new woman in a son or brother's life as a threat to our own position? Is there no room in a man's life for other women apart from his immediate family? Questions, questions.....

Anyway, back to Asa's song about Bimpe. Someone needs to tell her to chill and back off - that's what the narrator is saying. It almost sounds like "Your brother loves me, deal with it." I love the way the narrator even calls Bimpe out on some of her own issues - Bimpe is unmarried but she has a child out of wedlock. Bimpe has no manners, but she is looking for a husband to marry. Bimpe, fix your issues and stop minding other people's business!

My other favourite song on the album is "Ore", that's another very interesting story. We'll save that for another day....

Did I tell you I looooooooooooove Asa? Here's a photo of me posing like Asa. The photographer knew I was a huge fan, so he handed me the guitar to pose with. I wish I could actually play though!

(c) Tolulope Popoola

Blowing My Trumpet

I've been tagged (and nagged) by Aloted so I came to update my blog. It was well overdue! Honestly, I've had the urge to blog several times, but I can't seem to find enough hours in the day. And every little creative spark I have at the moment is going towards my professional writing. But anyway, back to the post:

Aloted and NoLimit came up with this idea for us to reflect and think about ten really positive attributes about us. (Here's the link to Aloted's post - here). I thought it was a great idea as Aloted mentioned, somehow we find it easy to remember the negative aspects of our character and we ignore the positives. So this got me thinking... and it was slow at first, but soon I was able to come up with more than ten good things about me.

So here goes:

Adaptable: I find that I can adjust to situations easily. Sometimes the fear of the unknown gets me worried, but once I'm in a situation, I can adjust and adapt easily.

Generous: I'm able to give and share easily. If I have something and someone else is in need, I will give. I actually find it enjoyable to give because I like it when the recipient is happy.  Sharing my stuff comes easy to me too.

Dedicated: I don't commit to things easily, but once I do, there's no going back. I will make sure I see it through to the end. Whether it's a relationship, a project, an idea, etc.

Creative: Of course. I have to be, I was created by an awesomely creative God, lol. I find that the more I express my creativity, the more I get creative ideas. Whether it's in writing, cooking, interior design, problem-solving, or other things, I enjoy coming up with something new and different.

Curious: Not about gossip or other people's business, lol. I have a thirst for life and knowledge. I love to read, to travel, to explore, to experience new things. I love to ask questions about the big issues in life.

Optimistic: I like to see things in a positive light. I function better when I'm positive about the outcomes of any task. I'm drawn towards happy, good, positive things. I like to dream big and hope for the best all the time. I can't stand negativity, it drags me down.

Loyal: I just am. I haven't got many friends, but I am very loyal to the ones I have. I don't think it's fair to betray anyone, much less someone that considers you a friend.

Thoughtful: I consider all angles before I speak or act. I don't like to feel that I acted rashly or unfairly towards anyone, so I go out of my way to avoid that. If it was unavoidable or unintentional, I always apologise.

Team-Player: I can work very well in a team. I like to share tasks, do my part and make sure that everyone else is doing their part too. I will happily offer to help out other members so that the whole team achieves its goals.

Gentle: I'm usually calm and gentle, not a lot stresses me out. I don't like aggression or drama so I stay well away from it. I like my peace of mind too much to go looking for trouble.

There we are! I really enjoyed doing this, actually. I should recall this post from time to time, when I'm tempted to beat myself up.

So to share this, I would like to tag:  Doll, Jaycee, Lara Daniels, Just Doyin, Believer, Vera, Simeone, Yellow Sisi, Shorty, Just Joxy, Enybee, Jhazmyn, ... okay, EVERYONE who has commented on my blog this year!

Stay blessed and favoured!

FG

More Internal Musings

Yesterday around 6.00pm, I was on the concourse at Liverpool Street station. This might sound like a rather random or mundane bit of information for me to be blogging about. But right there, in the hustle and bustle, the crush of commuters, the sea of suits and ties surrounding me, I suddenly realised that I was no longer a part of them. Yes, them. The City of London workers. The impatient mob of commuters, rushing for trains, jostling and elbowing anyone in their path, every determined step they take, timed to perfection to catch their train, with the platform number programmed in their head, a quick snatch of the evening newspaper to read on the train, and a satisfied smile if they find a seat in the carriage nearest to their exit at their destination. Some of them, on the phone speaking to husbands, wives or children, telling them "I'm on my way home now honey, just about to catch the 6.18 train". Some of them making plans or changing plans with friends they were supposed to meet up with after work.

I used to be among that crowd and yesterday, I paused for a few moments on the concourse and thought how different my life is now. I have been out of the 9 - 5 for fifteen months, and by yesterday I already felt like an outsider. Not that at I'm complaining at all. I used to think that was the only way to live, that was the only way to work - being an accountant working in Central London, facing commuter hell Monday to Friday. I wrote this post in October 2006, and at the time, I was fed up with the lifestyle and I knew I could not carry on with the 9 - 5 indefinitely. I was thinking that I needed to find a job where I didn't have to commute like that everyday. It has been three years since I wrote that post, and I am so glad and grateful to God, that my little dream is coming true. Even if it's something as small as having the freedom to work from home. I may not have the millions (yet), but my quality of life is already vastly improved. Hmmm, I may revisit this topic in another three years' time.

So what was I even doing in Liverpool Street in the thick of the evening rush hour? I was on my way to a Creative Writing class at the Southbank Centre. I had attended one last month and I enjoyed it very much, so I was looking forward to learning new ideas yesterday. And I did. The tutor talked about blogging, writing short stories for traditional print publications, and also writing for an online audience. I made a note of many of the good points he raised, and I will be implementing some new ideas. One idea I'm taking further is our blog series, so keep an eye on it and I'll be letting you all know what's coming next.

I can't believe the year is drawing to a close so quickly. I was almost alarmed when I looked at the date today and saw it was 19th of November. It's like I blinked and seven months of the year just flew by me! The thought makes me feel like I have to redeem the time wisely, everyday I have to achieve something. It may be learning a new life lesson, it may be finding a better way to do something, it may be gaining a new level of knowledge about myself, it may be drawing just that little bit closer to God and having more of His grace rubbing off on me, it may be encouraging a friend, it may be becoming a better wife. Everyday, I feel like I should be a better person when I go to bed, than I was when I woke up.

Okay, I'm off to make the most of the remaining minutes of this day, I'll be back soon with another update. Enjoy the rest of the week.

FG