Being a Nigerian, you know what your culture expects from you at every stage in your life. But, boy! does it get very annoying sometimes.
I got married last summer, right in the middle of my Masters degree (studying for a masters and planning a wedding at the same time, absolute fun!!). Finally, that put an end to the "when are you getting married?" questions. But wait o. It didn't end there. It seems like the minute I was out of my wedding gown, the next thing everyone started asking is "So when are the babies coming?". Hold on! I need to finish my degree and get a good job, we need to plan our finances and even get used to being married first before rushing to have babies. Calm down everyone.
Now barely a year later, the questions have started again. Last week I called my uncle to say hi, and the first thing he asked me was, have you called to tell me you have given birth? (!!!). My in-laws have been asking if there are any problems, my aunties have been sniffing, my cousins, my friends, my sisters, my sister's friends have been chatting........even my mum (who last year said she wasn't in a hurry to become a grandmum) has been using "style-style" to ask about plans for babies. See me see peace o!
At the moment, I'm not even ready for all that. I have just started getting used to the responsibilities of combining career and wife duties. I am not ready to start nappy duties as well. Even if I was ready to start popping out the babies, hubby and I can only do so much. The rest is up to God isn't it? Out of all the people chasing you to launch the babies sef, how many of them will come and live with you to look after him/her? Besides, once you start giving parents the feeling that they can dictate to you, then it will never stop. They might just come one day and say they want 5 grandchildren (I laugh and shudder to even imagine that).
All of them should leave me alone jare. I'm still young, not even 24 yet, I am not a baby factory, and I cannot make babies on my own. When God is ready to give me the child, then I will be ready to accept. No one else dare dictate!
Frankly, I think I would take a year to at least enjoy my husband and marital bliss. What's the rush? I guess I would understand if you are above 26 but barely 24!? No way! There's still so much to see and do and you know that it's not particularly easy being a parent is a country such as this.
ReplyDeleteI'll say take your time and get a good job, take holidays with your hubby and when you're ready, you go for it!
TP, honestly I can relate to ur story. My kid sister got married first and they gave up on me after she had 3kids & 6yrs of marriage. One uncle even said I was looking for 'Mr Right' & that was why I couldnt see 'Mr Available'
ReplyDeleteWell, at last, I relinquished my Presidency of the Spinster's Club this summer and already I have had like 20 "when are the babies coming?" Even my oga has joined the chorus.
So enjoy your freedom while it lasts and ur man gangs up with everyone and demands to be put on nappy duties!! Cheers!!
Yeah unfortunately that is wot comes next with our culture, like they will contribute to the child's expenses or something, the pressure can be something else, like marriage is just for kids or something!
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