More On Marriage

Recently there has been a lot of talk going on around blogville about marriages and infidelity. I've just read Vickii's post, then I read Uzo's post, then I read T-Minx's post. I've also read a lot of the comments from both sides of the debate as it were. Is marriage still relevant in our society? Is there any need for the vows "till death do us part"?

Well I'm a firm believer in the institution of marriage. I think it is the best relationship two people can have, if it is approached in the right way. I believe that marriage was instituted by God and He meant for us to enjoy it. The problems society has with marriage (and why marriages are under threat) is because we have taken God out of the picture, and so His ideas don't seem relevant anymore.

I don't believe that there is such a thing as a perfect marriage. None of us is perfect, so no relationship can ever be perfect if it is made up of two imperfect people. I do believe however, that if we recognise the purpose of marriage, then we would see that it is more than just a love contract or a ceremony in church. It is a covenant where we solemnly swear to "honour, love, respect and cherish" our spouse before God and man.

We mustn't forget that we are human though. So we sometimes forget to keep our promises. Who among us has never broken a promise? When you get married, you spend 5 minutes saying your vows and you have to spend the rest of your life carrying out those promises. How well that marriage goes depends on how faithful the husband and the wife are to the promises they have made.

Ladies imagine your long-term boyfriend comes to you with a large diamond ring and these words:

My darling, you have been the best thing that happened to me. I want to take our wonderful relationship to the next level. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to wake up with you everyday. I want to have children with you, grow old with you. I promise I will always make you happy, I will be true to you and be faithful to you. If you give me this chance, I will spend the rest of my life making you happy. Will you marry me?"

Of course, the lady will say yes!

Now consider if the guy had said:
My darling, you have been the best thing in my life since I met you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to wake up with you everyday. I want to have children with you, grow old with you.But I can't promise to be faithful to you. I don't know if I will be able to make you happy everyday. You can't expect me to do everything to make you happy. I will expect you to meet my needs all the time but I can't promise to meet your needs. I might cheat on you if the opportunity arises. Will you marry me?"

What do you think the girl would do? She will tell him to take a hike!

As Uzo said, there are no guarantees that getting married will make the relationship any more successful than if the parties involved just lived together. I agree whole-heartedly. What underpins any lasting relationship is commitment. If that commitment is lacking, then a marriage certificate is worthless. So should we give up on marriage then? Is marriage then irrelevant? No, no, no. Life itself is a risk. We all take chances with our decisions. I definitely believe that marriage is the ideal committed relationship for all parties involved: the man, the woman and the children produced in that union.

On the subject of cheating, truth is, infidelity does happen a lot in marriages. I avoid making general statements like "All men are cheaters" or "There are no good men around". Those statements are biased because those are the only examples the speaker has seen. Women do cheat too, perhaps not in the physical betrayal of sleeping with someone else, but in their minds. Anyway the point I am making is, most people look at infidelity from the woman's point of view. Should she take him back after he has cheated on her?

Speaking for myslef, I honestly can't answer that question. I wouldn't know until I've been in that situation. Besides every relationship is different so what might work for one woman, will not work for another.

Cupid Update

It seems like everyone likes a good love story! Sorry I haven't updated since. I didn't call my friend until last night. I wanted to give the two of them some time. Here's how that evening went:
I had decided to have the picnic with my friend so I left my place and headed down to hers. We were feeling too lazy to cook or prepare any picnic food, so we just bought some KFC wings, grabbed a beach cloth, a couple of drinks, cameras and our sunglasses, and headed to the park. Since the weather was so nice, the park was full of people but it was still cool. We stayed there gisting till about 7.00pm. As we were leaving the park, hubby and his guys called to find out what the plans were. I told him that they should meet us at a bar around 10.00pm. We got back to her place, she got changed and we went to pick up one of her other friends and drove down to the bar. Soon after hubby and his friend came in. While they were at the bar, my girl was checking the man out. Eventually the guys joined our table and they got talking. The conversation seemed to be flowing well. After about 15 minutes, hubby and I excused ourselves and melted out of sight. But by the time we were leaving the bar, we saw them swapping numbers!
I called her yesterday to find out what's been happening. She said they had been calling and texting each other and they've tried to arrange a date to meet up. So things are looking good. We'll be keeping our fingers and toes crossed!

Playing Cupid

Hey bloggers! How's it going? Hope you all are having a great weekend! Mine's been good thus far. I had plans to attend the Festival of Life last night. Then I remembered that I was having a function at work that wasn't going to end until very late, so there was no way I was going to be able to do both. Please if anybody attended it, come and tell us how it went.

Anyways today I'm going to be playing cupid for two of my friends. In the past I've tried to avoid hooking people up. Because if things don't work out, both parties come and start disturbing me and I'll never hear the last of it. Have you ever had that kind of experience? I always end up feeling guilty as well. This time I'm making an exception. These two people seem like they will act maturedly if things don't work out. (At least I hope and pray so). They met each other briefly last year at my get-together but they didn't get the chance to take things further. Since then the guy has been bugging me to hook him up with my girl friend. At first I didn't take him seriously. At the time anyway he was just coming out of a messy relationship and his ex was causing drama in his life. There was no way I was going bring my girl into that kind of situation. But he has been persisting that he really wanted to get to meet this girl. I informed the girl and she seems interested. So this evening I'm finally going to hook them up. Hubby and I will bring them together, and then retreat and watch from a safe distance. Fingers crossed! If something good comes out of it, good, fine, brilliant. If not... em... we'll have to deal with it. I can't really do Cupid's work for him.

Meanwhile in Nigeria, today is election day for governors and state assemblies. I'm praying that it all goes peacefully. I hope people turn out to vote, cos there is nothing worse that voter apathy, and then complaints later that the government is rubbish. Whatever happens, what we want is that Nigeria undergoes positive changes in the near future. We want is peace, prosperity and progress.

I'm off to start my day. The weather looks good outside, so I'm going for a spot of shopping and chilling in the park with my picnic basket and a good book till evening. Enjoy the rest of your weekend whatever you do!

Random Gists

I had a great Easter break, it went too quickly! I had time to rest, chill out with hubby, tidy up my house, and attend my dad's birthday party on Monday. I wish we had more 4-day weeks like that. I remember Easter three years ago, when "The Passion of the Christ" was in the cinemas and everyone was talking about it. Had a chance to see it again this time and it was still very moving. Well now the Easter break is over, and I've had to resume back at work. My department is drowning in paperwork at the moment, all the Easter eggs in the supermarkets are half-price, and the Easter cards have been removed from the card shops... lol.

Help me o, fellow bloggers, I'm dismayed. I was at a family get-together last week and everyone was saying that I look like "I'm enjoying married life" which just really means I've put on some weight. What! With all my healthy eating and brisk walking, it seems I'm fighting a losing battle. What more can I do..................???

I had popped into Sainsbury's after work to pick up a few items. I got to the till and I was supposed to pay about £17 for my items. When the cashier swiped my Nectar card, he told me I had accumulated some points and asked, Would I would like some money off my shopping? Who would say no? He did the maths and I ended up paying less than £5 for my stuff! I was so excited because I had been having a boring day and that cheered me up considerably!

Recently my mum has been making funny comments about babies. She has even been advising me on the best methods to concieve! It would be funny if it wasn't so mortifying. I've told her to calm down. I guess she is just so keen to become a grandmother. She is not thinking that babies cost money and effort to look after.

Sometimes don't you just think that fulfilment eludes us on purpose? I have a friend who had been working in a bank for about a year. She told me that she felt there were not enough opportunities for progress there. So she left and got a job at a different bank. Three months down the line, she's even more unhappy because the new job is very boring. That's life, the grass always looks greener on the other side. So how do we find real fulfilment and contentment?

Let me stop rambling on and on for now. I need to go and reformulate my lose-weight-and-get-fit plan. I'll be back to browse blogs. Blogging takes up so much of my online time. Anyways, enjoy the rest of your week.

Happy Easter!

Thanks everyone for the comments on my last post, I really appreciate the encouragement.






I have been looking forward to this Easter weekend. To be honest, I was mostly thinking of the time off school and the two Bank Holidays of Good Friday and Easter Monday. The relief of time off work is great! I know, I know... that's not what Easter is about. I was surprised when I read in the Metro newspaper the other day that a large percentage of young people in the UK do not know the reason why Easter is celebrated. An even further lower percentage in the survey said they would be attending church on Easter Sunday. I'm saddened - and this is supposed to be a Christian country! Anyway sha, that got me thinking about why I celebrate Easter too. I have felt my spiritual life stagnating a bit in the last few months. So my prayer this Easter is that I would rediscover Christ in my life in a new way. Whilst trying to avoid eating too many chocolate eggs and bunnies. LOL.

Didn't have anything planned for today, so I was just been chilling at home, browsing blogs and stuff. Until hubby decided to arrange the storage cupborad. Since we moved, I dumped some boxes of stuff there that I never got round to sorting out. As he was sorting out our stuff, he brought out a bag containing all my old photos. I have just been rooting through the photos in there- ranging from secondary school days, to college and university days. There are photos of my friends that I still talk to, photos of people I've lost touch with, photos of people I would consign to the dustbin of history, photos of my 18th, 19th and 21st birthday parties, graduation photos, embarassing school uniform photos, photos from those fun times, phots of past fashions .... etc. All the memories! I showed hubby a photo of myself when I was 17 and he said I looked about 12, how rude! I'm laughing at my old photos right now. I need to archive them to show the kids, lol.

The weather is supposed to be lovely this weekend, so I'm looking forward to it. Here's wishing you all a lovely Easter as we celebrate the death and resurrection of Christ!

Waiting.....

Waiting is so hard.I've been waiting for something for so long. I have prayed and fasted, yet it seems God doesn't hear me. I have waited patiently, and sometimes impatiently. Sometimes I am encouraged, and sometimes I am discouraged. Sometimes it feels like the answer is near. Sometimes it feel like the answer is far away. Sometimes I feel that God wants me to have this thing, sometimes I'm not so sure. Sometimes it's easy to smile and keep hope alive. But sometimes it's hard to stay hopeful. Sometimes I can cheer myself up, and sometimes I feel like crying.
I had been feeling discouraged. But then I remembered: God had been good to me thus far. He has been faithful to me. He has never failed me when I needed Him most. And I have no other person to turn to. I shouldn't let my problem take me away from God. I should draw nearer to God in times of trouble. Only Him can meet my deepest needs. Only Him can hear my most earnest prayer. Only Him can give me complete peace of mind.

Yes it is very hard waiting. But God can use me in that time. And develop the gift of patience in me while I wait.

Hair Ch-Ch-Changes

I did it! I finally plucked up the courage - I cut my hair! Now I'm rocking short curls. I never thought I would do it. In fact I had been resistant to the idea of cutting my hair for a long time, but I finally did it today.

My hair had been annoying me for a while anyway. It was dry and breaking, it was weak and damaged because I hadn't given it a break from constant perms and braids. So last Friday, I took off a weave and I took a good look at my hair in the mirror, and decided it was time for it to go. I got a pair of scissors and started trimming it. I ended up making a bit of a mess. In a panic I texted my friend "Help! I've cut my hair and it looks awful". She must have thought I had gone mad, lol.

In the end I went to the salon to get it cut and curled properly. I must admit, it was weird at first to see my hair so short. In the salon, a lady there was watching as my hair was being cut. She said she was sad to see my hair on the floor, and she was wondering how I could sit there calmly while the stylist clipped away. I checked my reflection in the mirror one last time before leaving the salon and it looked good. I wondered what hubby would think.

I got home and to my surprise he absolutely loved it! He was excited to run his fingers through my short curls. He even promised to take me out and show off my new look, which was really cool. He took me out on Saturday and I loved every minute of it. He has been admiring my hair since.

On Monday morning I was a bit self-conscious when I walked into my office. Some people just stared and stared. My boss went "Wow that's drastic! But I love it". Most people said they loved it too because I have the face to carry it off. I think it takes confidence to rock a hair-style that is not the norm though. I like the fact that my hair is low maintenance now. So I'll be sticking with this style for a long long time.

Party Weekend and Guilt Afterwards

In my last post, I mentioned that I was going to stay with my girlfriends for another weekend. It was mad fun again! I really shouldn't get used to stuff like this. . Gosh it was sooooo much fun. On Thursday, I had gone out to buy my friend a birthday present, and then decided to shop for a cool outfit to wear on Saturday. I spent a fair bit, but it was worth it. So here's how the weekend went.
On Friday night they had a party in their church. That evening when they got back home we didn't go to bed until like 2.00am. After the party, one of them was upset about a guy, so we stayed up late analysing every possible outcome. You know how it is when you have just started feeling a guy- the nervous anticipation of "does he feel the same way about me?" I tried to calm her down and soothe her nerves.He had been invited to their house party the next day so she was a bit nervous. I was like, relax and be yourself, I'm sure things will be fine.
Saturday morning, I dragged myself up at 8.00am and the birthday girl was already up and about in the kitchen, preparing a cook-a-thon for evening. She had another friend there, and together they cooked enough food to feed an army. I had some errands to run, so I dashed out in the afternoon. By the time I came back, all the food was ready. The birthday girl had changed into her outfit and was eagerly waiting for her guests. Quickly myself and her sister changed into our outfits too. We were ready to rock!
Trust Nigerian folks though, the first people didn't start arriving until 2 hours after the official starting time. Lol. Gradually the house filled up and everyone was having a good time. Food flowed, drinks flowed, gist flowed etc. My friend seemed to have more guys at the party than girls so at some point there were like 40 guys and 15 girls and everybody was single. I had fun just watching the guys eyeing up the girls there and seeing lots of phone number-exchanging going on. I'm off the market but that didn't stop a few guys from trying it. It was exciting explaining that I was married. Most conversations comprised of me saying things like "Yes I know I don't look married.... my parents know I'm married..... there's a ring on my finger, what more proof do you need.....sorry my husband is not here.... you want to see a pic of him, ok here's one on my phone.... yeah he was smart to grab me quickly....what do you mean why am I married?...... no you don't look familiar to me at all....I know I'm young......I'll tell him you said he's a lucky guy..." etc etc. I met an old schoolmate of mine who I hadn't seen for like 5 years and we had fun catching up. Funny enough she and I never used to get along when we were in school, but now we are adults, we seem to have a lot in common and the conversation flowed. Seems like we'll keep in touch and remain friends. By the time it was midnight, people were still arriving. I met another old schoolmate who was in the UK on her spring break. By half past one, I was tired so I snuck off to chill out and wait for everyone to disappear. We would do the tidying up later.
The next morning I was supposed to meet hubby early, but of course I woke up really late. I stayed a bit helping my friend to tidy up before leaving. By the time I got back home, I was feeling guilty for leaving him alone all weekend while I was having fun. I hate feeling guilty. Hubby knows this, so he milked it very well. I'll allow him, next weekend will be dedicated to just the two of us. I've had enough excitement for now.

Dropping In....

I've been MIA for a week now. There's been lots of things coming up, and I've had to do a bit more at work this week cos I'm going to take some time out for exams soon. It's still been a good week though. I can't complain. Plus hubby was back in town and I had missed him badly. Gosh it's amazing how much you adapt to having someone there with you all the time. That was something I was dreading before marriage. But how the tables have turned - I now miss him when he's not around!

My last weekend was great. I missed hubby, true, but it felt so good to be chilling with my girlfriends. That's something I haven't done in ages! We had mighty fun. We watched movies, ate and ate some more, went shopping, and gisted about every possible topic (mostly men and relationships you know). In fact, it was so much fun that I'm doing it again! That's right, I'm spending this weekend with them again. He he.. I guess they enjoyed my company so much that they begged me to come back again. lol. Actually one of them is having a party tomorrow so I'll be there most def. Should be more fun and I'm soo looking forward to it.

Hubby said he had a great time in Prague, it was a non-stop party trip about the town. Fortunately he had a bit of time to pick up the language, get me some souvenirs and chocolates and make friends with some Nigerians living there, before heading back. He was absolutely tired when he arrived. I didn't feel sorry for him though... LOL.
We've been having a small argument about which of us is the more spontaneous one. He thinks I'm predictable and I think he plans too much. I'm more of a "go with the flow" person, so I think I'm more spontaneous. So now both of us are looking for ways to prove that we can be adventurous and spontaneous. Watch this space.

Sorry London bloggers, I can't make the planned meeting on a Sunday. If it was a Saturday evening, it would have been perfect. But not to worry. There's plenty of time. Bring us back lots of gists and photos!
I might not update for another week, who knows? But I'll be reading other blogs so keep updating guys. Have a great weekend!!

Peace

I've had a good week. It flew by so fast!
Right, for the news: I changed my diet for an entire week. I had oats for breakfast, salads for lunch, ate lots of fruits, drank endless bottles of water, cut out fatty food, sweets and bread. (Well, minus the one Krispy Kreme that a colleague at work bought for his birthday) And I feel so good about it! I have loads more energy, feel less tired and less bloated. I'm going to stick with it now since I've discovered the benefits. The only tricky time is dinner time, so I'm looking for ideas on healthy night-time meals.

Hubby and his mates have gone to Prague for the weekend. One of those stag-night things. He's in charge of 'behaviour management' so the other guys won't push the groom-to-be too far. I told him have fun and bring me plenty of gist. So in order no to 'roast' at home alone, I'm off to spend the weekend with my girlfriends. They know how to have fun, so it should be a great time. I'll let you know how that goes.

I must say I'm glad the horrible drama on Overwhelmed's blog in the last few days has come to an end. And I'm enjoying the fun on Uzo's blog. Will keep an eye on that one. For the bloggers in London planning to meet up soon (Londonnaijachic , Londonbuki , Bimbylads etc), count me in! I have a feeling I know one or two people already, but we'll wait and see.

Have a great weekend everyone!!